Eek! Monster! Destroy the unnatural thing immediately! 'Scientists discover decaf coffee bean' (The Guardian)
We must prevent this Frankenjava wreaking environmental havoc, spreading its genetic pollution and lowering plants' natural defences against predation - global food security and the entire natural food web is at risk! Call Greenpeas, Pals of the Planet, the Toil Association, call all the defenders of pp (proper plants, i.e., ones like what we're used to) and rally them to the cause! We must prevent the spread of Frankenbeans, the sons and daughters of Frankenjava, lest the world be decaffeinated! Caffeine-free Frankenjava will require massive increases in synthetic pesticide use, endangering the environment and human health while allowing multinational Big Decaf to seize control of coffee production! Help protect impoverished, seed-saving coffee growers everywhere (not to mention usually-wired computer users) - Stop Big Decaf now!
Donations for the (yet to be formed) SPOC (Society for the Preservation Of Caffeine) will be accepted shortly (Seattle could levy a dime-a-cup on all decaf served in commercial establishments to be paid directly to SPOC to support this important action) - watch this space!
Things to do: start a consumer campaign to extract promises from coffee chains, roasters and traders to boycott mutant beans - provisionally called the 'No Frankenbeans in our cups' campaign; start catchy signature phrases - perhaps 'Frankenbeans are hasbeans!' or 'Hey, hey, ho, ho, Frankenjava's got to go!'; come up with sound bite health risks from Frankenbeans such as increased auto crashes with drivers falling asleep at the wheel, facial injuries as people collapse onto computer keyboards...
Say No! to this massive, uncontrolled experiment with the biosphere! No environmental risk assessment and no animal or human health trials have ever been conducted! Tell Big Decaf 'Stay out of our cups"
Donations for the (yet to be formed) SPOC (Society for the Preservation Of Caffeine) will be accepted shortly (Seattle could levy a dime-a-cup on all decaf served in commercial establishments to be paid directly to SPOC to support this important action) - watch this space!
Things to do: start a consumer campaign to extract promises from coffee chains, roasters and traders to boycott mutant beans - provisionally called the 'No Frankenbeans in our cups' campaign; start catchy signature phrases - perhaps 'Frankenbeans are hasbeans!' or 'Hey, hey, ho, ho, Frankenjava's got to go!'; come up with sound bite health risks from Frankenbeans such as increased auto crashes with drivers falling asleep at the wheel, facial injuries as people collapse onto computer keyboards...
Say No! to this massive, uncontrolled experiment with the biosphere! No environmental risk assessment and no animal or human health trials have ever been conducted! Tell Big Decaf 'Stay out of our cups"
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